Fear and the Lack of Self-Confidence

Fear is one of the biggest obstacles to self-confidence for many. Sometimes we have brilliant ideas, we spend a lot of time in the safety and secrecy of our homes pretending to be ready to bring the idea to life. We constantly talk about the idea with persons who are close to us such as family and close friends but that’s just about it. The track ends there.

Although your idea is great, each time you think about sharing the idea publicly with persons with whom you are less familiar you suddenly have panic attacks. Fear leads to confusion. All of a sudden you do not trust yourself. You become traumatized by the very thought of sharing your idea or talking about your passion. Fear leads you to shelve your idea. You pray that someday you will gain the courage to break the ice, gain the confidence and do this. I am sure this scenario is familiar to many of you.

As I write this post I am reminded about my own fear due to the lack of confidence. Even the thought of talking to a group of people with whom I was familiar used to be daunting. It wasn’t that I did not know what to say or that my idea was not worth sharing. I was always very clear about what I wanted to say. I would plan my topic, develop, and edit multiple times. I would then practice speaking for days when I was alone at home and sometimes even record myself. But when the time came to commit to an opportunity to share my thoughts before a group I would simply find an excuse and never do it. I did not have the guts. The butterflies were killing me! I lacked self-confidence.

I have a deep desire to teach, inspire and motivate. I knew that I could only become successful at doing this if I overcame my fear and found my confidence. I decided to evaluate myself so as to find the reason for my fear and lack of confidence and hopefully to find a solution. I had to do this because I could only become successful at what I love to do if I had self-confidence.

Here are few habits that I discovered about finding and building self-confidence.

1. Believe in yourself. Regardless of how much professional training you receive only you can tell yourself that you are ready. Remember there is always the first time and you do not have to be perfect.
2. You must believe that what you have to talk about is important enough to grab the attention and interest of others.
3. Start with a small group of familiar people such as family gatherings, closed social or community events. If possible, raise your hands when it’s time for questions and ask a detailed question or express your view about the topic.
4. Practice, practice, practice. The more you practice the better you will become. Plan to record some of your practice speeches and replay them to check for places where you can improve.
5. Avoid the use of big words and vocabulary. Stick to simple, clear words that people easily understand.
6. Select a topic that allows your speech to be a story-telling; mesmerize your audience.
7. Seek the company of people who inspire you and boost your confidence and are complimentary of your improvements or who identify with and are supportive of your desire to build your self-confidence.
8. Don’t be afraid of criticism. Ask for reviews. They are necessary if you are to become successful. If everyone gives you a thumbs up all the time, that may not be good for growth.

I do not by any means declare myself a professional in the world of speaking to a crowd. I am still learning and looking for opportunities to improve myself. I can safely say (with confidence) that my self-confidence has improved tremendously. Although I have not had the opportunity to speak at many events, when I plan to attend important events where I want to gain a bit of visibility, I plan ahead. I review and if possible research the theme or topic of the event, write down and practice my questions or comments so that I’m prepared to participate when there’s an opportunity. This has been one of my successful strategies so far.

If the lack of confidence is standing in the way of moving ahead or breaking down barriers, I encourage you to follow the steps above. Practice makes perfect. You will soon discover that the challenge that once caused you to break out in sweat is now a thing of the past. Where you once stuttered and your heart pounded so loud you thought everyone could hear it, you are now fluent and in control of your topic.

Whatever it is that makes you frightened or lose self-confidence learn to overcome that fear. Practice is your best option. Soon you will realize that the fear you experienced was not real. You can do this.